mt pico de loro (aug06)

mt apo (apr05)

day 3

ronald's food column #1 - beta

According to what I've read somewhere, professional bloggers or at least serious bloggers identified as people who blogs regularly, blog in hopes of getting an offer to write a column for a published media. Writing for a publication may be enticing, but according to TFA (the f*cking article), blogging are for opinionated people. People who needs to share their thoughts to other people. While this may sound like a typical definition for a person with attention-deficit disorder, KSP in the local dialect, I have no idea why I mentioned this thought...

BUT!!, even though I'm no serious blogger (I'm more of a non-serious one), if ever I'll be snatched from the blogosphere to write in a weekly column for a magazine, I would like to write about my newly acquired self proclaimed imagined cooking skills which was necessitated by poverty. In short, in order to save money, I've been cooking my meals for sometime now.

A bit of background: I've been living away from home (home being Davao) for almost a year now. This means that my Yaya and/or Mom has not been cooking for me for that long, sad but true...

So here is my first easy-to-prepare, geared-towards-the-lazy-person, relatively affordable recipe for this 'column.'

Tantatanan!!

Ronald's version of a Tuna Spread. (Bows).

Ingredients:

1 Can (optional) Cheapest Tuna Flakes in Brine/Oil you can find ~P14
1 380ml (optional) Flavored Mayonnaise in Foil (a.k.a. mayo-based sandwich spread) ~P35
1 480g (optional) Wheat Bread Fortified with Fiber ~P50

Notes:
Every ingredient is optional - What I'm trying to say here is that you have an option of not making this tuna spread. (You have been warned.)

Bread with Fiber. Let's fight the battle against constipation!

Instructions:

1.) Drain oil/brine into bowl. (Keep this as I might change my mind and have to let you know that this _might_ still be useful)
2.) Put tuna flakes in the container you want your tuna spread to be in.
3.) Get Fork.
4.) Locate container that contains tuna flakes devoid of oil.
5.) Using the fork you hold on your right hand, lightly mash tuna flakes so that they would be exactly how you want them to be, lightly mashed and separated.
6.) Afterwards, let go of fork. Be sure to put it in an easily accessible location. (hint: beside the bowl of tuna flakes)
7.) Carefully add the sandwich spread. I usually add just enough to cover every strand of tuna flake with precisely 0.0011mm of mayo. I do not want a very soggy tuna spread. You may have a different preference.
8.) Grab the fork you let go of on #6. Mix.
9.) Buy Soda. (Important!)
10.) Spread the spread on Bread. (Hey, that ryhmes!)
11.) ???
12.) Enjoy while occasionally sipping your soda.

There you go. Enjoy the ridiculously easy to prepare Ronald's version of tuna spread.

Instruction #11 was intentionally left out as this is the most imporant step to get to #12:Enjoying your newly created spread. Non-enjoyment of you tuna spread is due to your not following the 11th instruction.

For lack of a better thing to post

I remember at one time, promising to thyself to blog regularly at least once a week. Obviously, it didn't happen. But I am again pondering the thought of regularly writing again. As soon as I find the free time to write (as all of my time are spent lying on the bed staring at the ceiling willing the lizard to move).

And if free time do finds me (despite my frantic hiding), my next problem would be what to write. I was never keen on writing personal stuffs (or is stuve?) online like feelings, emotions, definition of love, what I did, what I'm doing, what I'll be doing. I feel that blogging such things are gayish which I'm pretending not to be ... err... which truth I try to elude.. err.. Shit.

Oh, I just remembered my number one reason for blogging. I blog to be able to update my stalkers and would-be-stalkers of what I been up to lately. So if ever a beautiful stranger comes up to me and asks "Hi gorgeous, so what have you been up to?" I would immediately but nonchalantly reply "Oh.. Not much blognironald.multiply.com. See you." (I would have written I blog to update friends but most of my real friends can't read (they're all imaginary)).

Oh well.. here's another non-post to you imaginary readers.

END

Just so that reading this would not be a total waste of your time, I'm translating a list of jokes forwarded to me. The list was originally forwarded in Bisaya.

KONSEHAL: Emcee, paki-acknowledge si Mayor na nalate. Ayun, kararaan lang.
EMCEE: We would like to acknowledge the late Mayor who just passed away.
--
CORRECT PRONUNCIATION
ANAK: Tay, bilhan mo naman ako ng jucyfruwet
TATAY: anak, ayusin mo naman pagbigkas mo. Di yan jucyfruwet.
ANAK: e ano pala tawag dun?
TATAY: BAGOLBAM...
-----
APO UG LOLO

APO: Lo, bakit kung maglakad ka ay parang pilay?
LOLO: ay naku, huwag mo na pansinin apo.
APO: e bakit po ba?
LOLO: sabi kasi ng doktor ko iwasan ang itlog at ito ay nakakacholesterol.
------
EMPLEYADO: boss, pwede pa ako pumalit sa namatay nating manager?
BOSS: pwede naman,........di lang ako sigurado kung papayang ang funeraria.
--------

MOTHER: Anak! dumudugo daliri mo! Bilis at sisipin ko. tsup, tsup. O ayan, wala na. San ka ba nasugatan?
ANAK: Di naman ako nasugatan e. Tiniris ko lang itong polgas ng aso natin.
------------
ANAK: Nay, pinatumbling2x kami sa school kanina
NANAY: Di ba sabi ko huwag sumali sa ganun at baka makita ang panty mo?
ANAK: Oo, kaya ko nga pinasok sa bag muna e.
-------
Tatlong kumare nagkekwentuhan
Mare1: Sus, ako mare sobra nang makakalimutin. Pati ba naman pustiso naiwan ko sa ref.
Mare2: Ay wala ka sa akin, pag nasa hagdanan ako nakakalimutan ko kung pababa ba ako o paakyat.
Mare3: Sus buti na lang (sabay tuktok sa kahoy na dingding para 'knock-on-wood' effect) na ako walang problema! (Biglang talikod) Teka mare, baba muna ako at mukhang may kumakatok.
---------
Anak: nay buntis ako.. nahihilo ako
Nay: di ka buntis!
Anak: nasusuka ako...
Nay: di ka nga buntis!
Anak: gus2 ko ng maasim
Nay: lintek na bading to!
--------
Laki: Para sayo, kunin ko pati mga tala sa kalangintan...
Babae: May patala-tala ka pa, e iyong kulangot sa ilong mo kanina pa nakabitay.
Laki: Ay sorry, di ko alam gusto mo rin pala ito...
------
BABAE: Ang gwapo ng pari, ano kaya pwede kong gawin para mapansin ako? Ahhh, ilalagay ko panty ko dito sa lamesa.
PARI: kaninong panty itong nasa lamesa?
BABAE: sa akin po padre.
PARI: may konting tae e....
--------
Isang pirata, ininterview
Reporter: Bakit kahoy ang kaliwa mong paa?
Pirata: Ah, natamaan ng bala at kailangang putulin.
Reporter: Bakit may hook ang kanan mong kamay?
Pirata: Ah, naputol habang sa espadahan laban sa kaaway.
Reporter: Bakit ang isa mong mata may takip? (eye patch).
Pirata: Ah, naipotan ng ibon.
Reporter: Ha? Nakakabulag pala ang ipot ng ibon?
Pirata: Pinangkamot ko kasi kanang kamay ko e.
====
If you got here and you still think this is a total waste of time.. Well... it's too late for anything else. Sorry... >:-)

sikad sa mt manalmon (Apr06)